endgame
by Aureillia
Summary: in the end, it is she who does not remember him - ash&misty/gary&misty
1. In Which The Cards Are Dealt

**Endgame**

 _Chapter One - In Which The Cards Are Dealt_

When Gary Oak is five, he decides that Ash Ketchum is pathetic.

He is too loud, too obnoxious; never stops boasting about how he is going to become the best trainer of all time and catch every single pokemon out there. Neither of them know the first thing about becoming a trainer other than what they've seen on television, but that is okay because they're just kids and they still have time to learn.

Gary is an Oak. He has expectations from his grandfather and quite literally _everyone_ because he's the grandson of the Professor Oak, and he has a legacy to fulfil. So whenever Ash boldly declares that he will take the title of Champion of the Pokemon League, Gary is always quick to scoff and say that he will take it first.

He's always quick to put Ash down about anything and everything.

Too short. Too slow. Too annoying.

Pathetic.

His Gramps is a very important person and that makes _him_ important too. Obviously, it makes Gary better by default, because he has books and technology and sometimes he's allowed to actually touch the pokemon in the lab. Ash only ever gets to look at them. Ash does not have fame. Ash does not have fortune. Ash does not have access to the resources he does.

He has what Ash can only ever dream of having.

To Gary, that makes Ash Ketchum second-rate, and what was the point in being friends with a second-rate (future) trainer? Nonetheless, he still runs around and participates in mock-battles atop the rolling hills of Pallet Town with the boy he considered beneath him. There is another one, too; a girl with eyes the exact shade of those hills. He thinks they're pretty, a lot prettier than the delicate crystals that once hung from the ceiling of his old house before mama went away and his father abandoned him, but he'll never tell her that.

Sometimes for fun, and only for fun because girls were gross and have cooties, he picks a wild flower at random and presents it to her. It's only ever really to tick Ash off, though. Their rivalry is not limited to just being a trainer, after all, and anything that can be made into a competition is good enough for Ash and Gary. If that meant he had to risk exposure to Leaf's girl germs then so be it.

But then, neither knew just how deep that rivalry would run, nor the amount of impact the toll would take on the both of them during later years.

* * *

Their competitiveness sparks on the day Ash shouted to world that he would be the number on pokemon trainer, and it still burns on five years later when they are ten years old and ready to receive their very first pokemon.

Ash is late. Gary is disappointed, but only because he wanted to see the look on his rival's face when his desired pokemon was chosen right in front of him. He picks squirtle anyway, and is delighted to find that Ash's reaction is still completely priceless. They'd staked their claims on Professor Oak's starters long ago, back in the days of carefree mock-battles and acting out their adventures.

But that didn't mean Gary wasn't above using that for his own amusement.

Leaf had her eyes set on bulbasaur, and he certainly didn't want to steal that away. Grass types have never been his thing. That left only charmander and squirtle, and squirtle clearly held the type advantage. Of course he would take it. It meant killing two pidgies with one stone; he'd get yet another leverage over Ash and have the pleasure of pissing him off.

Water against fire. Strong against weak. Gary simply could not pass that up.

Always, _always_ one step ahead.

"Well Ash, ya snooze ya lose! I can't believe you're behind right from that start," Gary snickers. He twirls the pokeball containing squirtle on one finger, smirking as Ash, clad in his pyjamas, stands there positively fuming.

"Gary!" Ash yells, pointing a finger at him accusingly. "That better not be squirtle, 'cause I already called dibs on it!

"Whatever. It pays to have a grandfather in the pokemon business," Gary boasts, shit-eating grin never leaving his face. "Smell ya later, Ashy-boy!"

Ignoring the outraged cries behind him, Gary finally sets out on his pokemon journey. He's ten years old but already the burden of what lies ahead of him, the tasks he knows he has no choice but to accomplish, weigh heavily on his mind. The things he's gained barely scratch the surface to make up for that which has been lost, so being the strongest trainer is all that is left.

Status. Wealth. Pride.

Gary knows he has it all. Still, he needs to prove to his father- even though the ideals of a dead man have never counted in his eyes -that he was wrong. And yeah, has his family name, but this is something he has got to do for himself. Because although he can have anything in the world, has a car to personally transport him from town to town, everything is riding on this journey.

He only has himself to rely on now.

His parents are dead and Ash isn't worth it and Leaf chooses to take a different path entirely.

* * *

Gary has never had to understand the concept of Ash having something he does not, so the first time he experiences it leaves him with a foul taste that lasts for a week.

He's met Ash's travelling companions before and really, he wasn't impressed.

The older boy with sun-kissed skin used to be a Gym Leader which, he admits, is pretty cool. But he isn't now and Gary is training to be leagues above _mere Gym Leaders_ so it doesn't matter. The girl has freckles and red hair and bright blue eyes. She isn't anything special. Water pokemon were her thing but they weren't so great, aside from his prized squirtle, of course.

He supposes that she has the Cerulean Gym's legacy, but she isn't quite able to measure up to that yet and so why should he care about her?

Gary snickers at the sight of Ash failing again at commanding his pikachu. "I've never seen anyone as pathetic as you!"

"Have you tried a mirror?" the girl, Misty he thinks her name is, snaps back.

Gary Oak is genuinely stunned. He stares open mouthed, eyes wide and finger pointed but unable to get a sound out.

"What?" Misty demands, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently. "Are you trying to catch flies in your mouth or are you just too stupid to respond?"

Ash snickers and Gary feels his cheeks burn red. _Why_ would she stick up for somebody like _Ash Ketchum_?

It isn't until later that night, when Gary is alone in his hotel room with nothing to entertain him but his thoughts, that Gary realises Ash has what he's never had: friends. People who actually like him and care about him and don't just follow him around for money like his cheerleaders do.

He tells himself that the ache in his chest is from a bad burger.

* * *

Misty is twelve when she falls for the boy from Pallet Town.

At least, she thinks she does. It's the closest thing she's ever felt to that magnitude, especially for a boy. She loves Brock, and she loves her sisters, but it isn't the same thing.

Love is a strange concept.

To feel so much you don't feel anything at all. It is completely unpredictable; one moment her heart is about to explode just over his _damn smile_ and the next it's about to concave from hiding how she feels, and she hates it but at the same time she wouldn't give it up for the world. Wouldn't give him up for the world.

 _Beautifultragicbreathtaking._

She wants to kiss him senseless and wring his stupid neck at the same time.

He drives her up the wall, drives her absolutely crazy to the point where she wonders what she's even doing here anymore. Often, she questions her sanity because it really can't be healthy for a girl of her age to feel so many emotions all at once. If she wanted to she could leave and be free of it all. It would be so easy, so effortless to just grab her bag and walk away. Walk away and discard everything, leave the soreness and the heartache and the grief behind, and just forget it all.

But that would be impossible. As much as it burns white hot and searing when it hurts, and Mew, does it hurt, she'd never be able to just leave. Because through all of the screaming and fighting and tears she knows she loves him, loves him as much as she loves being here. She believes that love and pain go hand in hand, and that really isn't so bad. Love is blinding and the agony that comes with loving Ash Ketchum is just as much so. But it's beautiful, too, it really is. The moments she spends with him and Brock are worth all of the torture her heart provides twice over.

And then at thirteen Misty finds that she does not have a choice in the matter. Her sisters yet again force her hand like they have the right to have anything to do with her life or the decisions she makes, because Misty has always been willing to sacrifice for love but never sacrifice love itself.

All it takes is one phone call and she finds herself standing back in the Cerulean Gym.

She swore she'd never return until her goal had been reached, but she supposes that doesn't matter anymore.

And that hurts, too.

She wonders why it is possible to fall in love with someone who will never love you in return. Not in the way you want them to.

* * *

The years go on and Ash continues his cycle of come and go, forever on a new adventure with Pikachu by his side.

His feelings for Misty never change, but he also can't stop the pull that takes hold of him every time he comes home.

* * *

The Sensational Sisters are away, Ash isn't here, and everybody else who could have possibly been on the list isn't around to help, so it is Gary whom Brock turns to when something goes wrong.

"One of the new pokemon aimed wrong," Brock explains through the phone solemnly. "She was testing out mega evolution so it was twice as potent and... and it hit her instead."

Gary is silent.

He doesn't know what he has to do with this. He and Misty were never particularly close, despite the childhood rivalry between himself and Ash having long dissipated. Just because he was friends with Ash it didn't mean he was friends with _Ash's friends_. Misty Waterflower wasn't someone he'd ever planned on pursuing a friendship with. They see each other maybe three times a year and sometimes she'll answer the phone when he needs to call the Gym about a pokemon related inquiry, but other than that they have no contact.

They have no reason to.

"I'm a researcher, Brock," Gary says back after a few moments. "I get that nobody else is here, but what can I do?"

Brock says it slowly, "The attack used was Amnesia."

Gary feels a cold flush sweep through him, the not often felt dread creep up as he anticipated the words that would surely follow.

"Gary... Misty doesn't remember anything. All of her memories are gone."

* * *

notes:

Apparently I don't need sleep and am able to smash out 14,000 words in two days. Who knew?


	2. In Which The Rules Waver

**Endgame**

 _Chapter Two - In Which The Rules Waver_

"You want me to study her," Gary states blankly.

Brock gives him a somewhat apologetic look. "Not study so much as monitor," he replies.

"Is there a difference?" Gary mutters, and he isn't surprised when Brock can only shrug.

It's been a week since the incident with Misty. So far, she hasn't shown any signs of recognition when it comes to any of her friends, family or pokemon. It was ironic; despite being called 'amnesia', the move itself didn't actually cause a mere lapse in memory. Rather, her entire life up until now appeared to have been wiped _completely_.

"Look, Gary," Brock starts slowly, avoiding his gaze as best as possible, "We both know that attacks directed at humans have a contrast effect compared to when directed at other pokemon. None of us are sure just how deep this may have gone. You're the best hope we have of finding a way to reverse it."

Gary runs a hand through his hair before replying, "It's been a week, Brock. She clearly isn't going to remember any of us anytime soon. Those memories are gone."

Brock flinches and he regrets the words, even if they are the truth. The older male might as well have been a sibling to Misty, something Gary supposes he should have considered before speaking so bluntly, but he wasn't the one attached so the words flow without thought. He sympathises but in no way feels complied to treat this any differently than he would any other case.

"Maybe so," Brock replies, taking a moment to swallow. "But her sisters are gone and I can't be there all the time. We can't tell Ash because he'd freak out and... I don't think having him around is going to be the best thing for Misty. Not yet. You have the facilities and the equipment, not to mention the experience. I need you. _Misty_ needs you."

The last part with so much raw desperation in his voice, and Gary remembers that Brock is her brother, too.

He isn't sure whether it's the concept of being needed or the idea of Misty needing _him_ and not _Ash Ketchum_ that clicks something within him, but he finds himself agreeing to Brock's plea.

* * *

Gary hasn't seen her since they were twelve and he was participating in the Johto Conference.

She'd been there to support Ash. Nothing more, nothing less.

Misty was the girl who had the obvious-not-obvious crush on his life-long rival and _he_ was the sworn frenemy of said rival. Back then, she'd meant nothing to him and he'd meant nothing to her, even if it still bothered him that she made him feel envy over what she represented. Those days are long gone and they aren't children anymore, but even so he can't shake the uneasiness. Heck, she might as well not even be the same _person_ given the circumstances.

But he's moved on from the pride and egotistical values of his childhood and she's just the girl with amnesia.

When his eyes meet her vacant ones, though, they're still the exact shade of blue that has haunted him since that first unsettling taste of everything he didn't have all those years ago.

* * *

It's weird at first, having to treat her so delicately. She'll sit and stare and look at him with curious, beautiful eyes while he tells her about things he feels he shouldn't.

Misty doesn't remember him. She doesn't remember Brock. She doesn't remember her sisters. She doesn't remember Team Rocket.

She doesn't remember _Ash_.

The years spent travelling aren't even a hazy blur and none of her pokemon seem to jog anything inside her head. Daily tasks and simple cognitive functioning remain the same as ever, but it's like the incident has erased her entire life. Her story, the traits that make Misty who she is are all _gone_. She's just a girl with an affliction for water-type pokemon who is unsure about the world.

She knows how to battle but she doesn't know her pokemon.

She calls every attack on reflex but she can't recall past opponents.

She can talk and behave like a normal girl but she's _not_ because everyone is a stranger to her now- including herself -and that makes her a stranger to him, too.

"Tell me about my pokemon again," Misty requests, and Gary swallows thickly.

It is a question she asks often and yet he's still never sure how to respond. He's told her everything he can remember about all the pokemon she's ever owned; all except one. Brock advised him to avoid emotional or touchy subjects but at this current point he wants to tell her something new. It's a story he wasn't there for, but one Ash had told him about vividly during a rare visit home.

"You love all of your pokemon, each one is a water-type," Gary recites for the third time that week. "There was one that was special, though. You hatched it from an egg back on your travels with Ash and Brock. Its name was Togepi. It thought you were its parent because you were the first thing it saw when it came out of its egg."

Misty listens in awe, and for the first time since he's started looking after her there is something other than the disengaged, glazed stare he's used to.

"The only attack it ever really learned was Metronome because back then Togepi was a relatively new species. You carried it everywhere, but when you weren't holding it Ash's pikachu would be the babysitter," he recounts, finding that telling the story secondhand was surprisingly easy despite the lack of information he had.

Misty allows herself a small smile. "Where is Togepi now? Is it at the Gym in Cerulean?"

Gary's composure falters and she picks up on it. When he tells her the tale of the Mirage Kingdom and how she had no choice but to say goodbye to the pokemon that had become like a child to her, she comes close to shedding a tear.

"Everyone felt the loss, especially Pikachu. Ash couldn't perk him up for weeks after that," Gary finishes.

"Ash..." Misty murmurs, and Gary feels himself tense. "You mention him a lot. Brock does, too, but he never really talks _about_ him."

Gary only nods, well aware of Misty's questionable gaze.

"Who is he, exactly?"

The sentence sounds foreign and _so completely wrong_ that Gary feels nauseous.

This Misty Waterflower was not in love with Ash Ketchum. She wouldn't understand. Really, Gary still hasn't decided whether this factor is a blessing or a curse.

It was a subject himself and Brock had both agreed to not elaborate on. If Misty didn't remember Ash then it would only hurt more when they told her he didn't come home. Really, what was the worth in telling her something that had caused her so much pain in the past? She would want to know why he never stopped by to visit. It was impossible to speak about one thing without spilling _everything_ and that meant... he'd have to explain why Ash never came back.

He doesn't want to do that.

But the worst part was that she wouldn't remember loving him, and a Misty that knew Ash and did not idolise him was not a Misty Waterflower at all.

* * *

 _It gets easier._

Times passes and things become less awkward, less tense, and soon enough it becomes almost routine.

Misty is less determined to push him away and allows him to be a part of her life. He doesn't mention how he treated her as children. For that matter, he never mentions much about their childhood. Instead, he focuses on making new memories for her, new memories _with_ her. It starts out innocent, really it does.

It doesn't take long before she turns into much more than the girl with amnesia.

But she also isn't the girl who travelled with Ash. She is, except she isn't because to her it never happened. Now she's the girl the Oak kid spends all of his time with, the girl he tries to build a new life for, the girl he desperately wants to keep sheltered and far away from the looming past that threatens this new development. Gary sees what Ash saw in her all those years ago.

Gary doesn't know when it became less about protecting her and more about protecting what he's found through her. She's Misty except she's _not_ and some small, twisted part of him feels a sick pleasure in having a piece of her that Ash won't, even if this isn't the girl either of them knew.

It's a cruel twist of fate, Gary knows bitterly, that after so many years of being terrified that Ash would forget her it was she who forgot him.

It's even crueller that he finds himself divulging in the borrowed time he knows isn't meant for them. On some level he'd always wished to have what Ash did but not like this. Never, ever like _this_. He'd wanted Ash to hurt and have it all taken away and have it to himself instead but _whywhywhy_ did the universe have to make everything so _easy_ but impossible at the same time?

The worst part, perhaps, is that this Misty Waterflower isn't in love with Ash Ketchum.

Gary still hasn't decided whether that's a blessing or a curse. He feels relieved, but there's always something gnawing at the back of his mind and screaming that this is not right. It shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't _want_ it to be like this.

He doesn't know what he wants anymore.

Misty was made for Ash and he knows it, tells himself over and over again like a mantra, yet can't stop from relishing every moment he spends with the girl who doesn't remember a time before this. He doesn't know whether he prefers it this way or not. She's different, yet she's still Misty. She acts the way she did before only without the memories and tales of Ash carrying out some heroic deed or other.

She gets it. Gets _him_ in ways Gary didn't even know he'd been longing for.

A part of him wishes she could be the same Misty with liquid fire in her eyes from all those years ago, but then he hates himself for knowing that he is mourning a loss that never belonged to him in the first place. An entire chunk of her life is missing, completely _gone_ and all he wants to do is replace it with the present. Gary knows he can never even began to compare but then again, there's nothing to compare it _to_. Not anymore. It's wrong and selfish and so, so unfair on her but he isn't ready to begin trying to give any of it up.

For the first time in his life someone is listening. She's giving him exactly what she gave Ash, minus the love and devotion.

Gary can't bring himself to care to differentiate between the two.

So instead he pushes these thoughts to the back of his mind and presents her with two hot chocolates with vanilla, whipped cream and a half a brownie set over the rim of each mug. He knows it isn't much, but it's special to him because that's what his mother used to make before everything went awry. Gary figures that if she's rationing her entire life with him, it's the least he can do for her.

It's become somewhat of a tradition for them; he'll make the drinks and then they'll stay awake until the sun creeps up on the horizon.

He shares parts of her past and then she'll ask him something in return. Nobody has ever really cared before, nobody other than his Gramps and Leaf, but his Gramps is getting old and Leaf is still isolating herself up on Mount Silver, so Gary takes what he can get. It's nice to have someone who can understand him. The fleeting guilt disappears halfway through his drink and he forgets about _Ash and Misty_ and who they're supposed to be and how he isn't supposed to be in the picture, either.

In these moments they are just Gary and Misty. There is no one else. No Ash Ketchum.

"Guess I just want to be appreciated," Gary tells her one night. "I want to be recognised for my accomplishments, not the one's that come with my grandfather's name."

The Misty he once knew would have compared it to how she felt about her sisters, but this one doesn't. Instead, she offers him a smile and takes another sip of her drink.

And although she says nothing, Gary feels that she understands more than anyone.

"Everyone just compares me to him. When I do something, it's because I'm 'the grandson of the genius Professor Oak'. When I start a project, it's, 'he'd better not let the Oak name down'," Gary continues, clenching his mug tighter. "It's never about _me_. It's always about the name; it's not me who is great, only the title is."

"On the contrary, I think you're rather wonderful."

 _It gets harder._

* * *

notes:

Special thanks to those that reviewed! For the guests who I am unfortunately unable to message privately, here's your response :)

Eevee: Ah, I can't give you a proper response without spoiling the ending (or the rest of the story, really), but there will definitely be a lot more insight in regards to Gary. Me too! Brock was a part of their original trio, but Ash and Misty generally take the spotlight in most cases. I also feel like he'd still play a pretty large role in Misty's life. As for Leaf... Well, you'll have to wait and see :P

Guest: It's a little less cliche than that, but it's impossible for me to agree or disagree with you publicly because that'd spoil the story. Hopefully you'll like it, though!


	3. In Which The Queen Is But A Pawn

**Endgame**

 _Chapter Three - In Which The Queen Is But A Pawn_

Misty hates not remembering.

She knows what they tell her and what she sees from old newspaper clippings, and there's always crowd footage on television broadcasts of past Pokemon League Tournaments, but it isn't enough. She despises it because she still doesn't remember who she is, who she _was_. All Misty can do is listen and watch and read but none of that matters if she will never have any memory of it.

She can only mould herself into the shape of what people tell her she's meant to be.

Her 'sisters' were- still are -devastated but the only one who really tries is Daisy. She doesn't know Daisy but she wants to, Misty desperately tries to remember her family and her pokemon and who she is but she just _can't_.

Daisy. Lily. Violet.

Why is she the only one with a different name? The only flower she can think of is a misty blue, which makes perfect sense if she listens to what Brock says- because isn't her favourite colour blue? -but even then it still seems strange. She feels out of place and she knows it isn't just because of her absent memory.

Despite it all, she still feels happy. As close to happy as she thinks she can get, anyway. Five months is both a long time and the blink of an eye for someone who remembers nothing. Brock does his best to tell her what he can, but somehow she finds that she doesn't care as much as she used to. She isn't who she was and she's never going to be, so she detests the fact that they either treat her like glass or expect her to act a certain way.

They're always disappointed when she can't respond the way they want to the things she's supposed to remember.

Still, Brock is like her brother, so at least that hasn't changed. He comes by once a week and calls every night. There's always a new story to tell and he is patient, answers every question she throws at him and doesn't give her pity. He shows her photos of the past, of when she was barely learning to live as a trainer and travelling with him and that Ash boy.

They talk about him so much and yet not at all.

It's always "You, Ash and I" did this, or "Ash challenged a Gym here' or "Ash got us lost and somehow we ended up stuck at the bottom of a cliff because he got distracted".

When she tries to delve deeper they don't take the bait. Gary appears to abhor the topic altogether and Brock... Brock just looks sad. So sad that _she_ is the one feeling guilty for wanting to know about her own past, feels shame for not remembering something she knows she should. Daisy just gives her a broken smile.

As far as she could tell, whoever this Ash person was hadn't been home since the accident. Were they close friends? Brock said they were. Or, at least they used to be. She couldn't really tell and it was difficult to read a person that did not want to be read.

Misty wasn't stupid. Naive as a child and completely clueless as to the last sixteen years of her life, but certainly not stupid. She notices the hesitant glances the people around her give each other whenever Ash was mentioned. She picks up on the fidgeting and quick brushing off or changing of the subject whenever a topic involving him came up. Brock would tell her of adventures and life-threatening situations, but he'd never talk about Ash himself for very long.

Professor Oak has lots of his pokemon, fields and fields of them, so Misty thinks that they can't be lying when they say Ash is a trainer.

Gary was nice enough. Professor Oak was too, when he was around, and she had no reason to believe that either of them or Brock would deceive each told her things about herself, things she recalled and others she did not, which helped because they seemed to know different parts of her. The only topic the they seemed to be even the tiniest bit similar in was the boy known as Ash Ketchum.

For now she thinks that she's better off not knowing.

* * *

One day, when Daisy is out and she feels curious, Misty stumbles across an old box in the back of her closet. There are several rusted trinkets that she does not recognise but she figures they must have been important to be kept so hidden. Amongst the clutter she sees a stack of books, ones that she is surprised to find are her diaries. Diaries that document her childhood.

Diaries that talk about _Ash_.

Whether it's the adrenaline rush that comes with an air of secrecy or whether its finally being able to _know_ , something in Misty feels compelled to learn about to boy whom she knows so much about and yet nothing at all. She only hesitates briefly before picking up the book with the earliest date and begins turning the pages.

Her writings recount and confirm much of what Brock tells her of their travels, and it was the only real information she'd gained about Ash Ketchum over the last eight months.

They fought a lot. Like, _really a lot_ but the girl in the writing seemed to look up to the boy who'd stolen her bike. Not one page went by without him being mentioned at least twice. The seconds ticked by and she became lost in the tales of her childhood, sitting cross-legged on her bed and immersed in a world that she couldn't remember but felt so _right_.

"Misty? Are you in here?"

She snaps her head up and shoves the diary under a pillow at the sound of Gary's voice. A quick glance at the clock on her wall confirms that he is indeed early, and she can't help but feel slightly irked. She'd have to wait until he left before continuing her journey through the past. If they didn't want her to know about Ash Ketchum, then she'd need to keep this is a secret.

"Yeah, come in," she replies, plastering on a smile when the door opened wide enough to reveal him.

He gives her a smile that seems only reserved for moments when they are alone. "I brought food."

Misty instantly perks up. Gary always brought the best sweets, usually from a local bakery in Cerulean. Today it seemed to be brownies, and she eagerly took one from his hands. At least her tastes hadn't changed; that was one bit of information she'd learned from the little she'd managed to read before Gary had arrived.

She hated carrots, peppers and bugs.

She loved sweet things, water pokemon and battles.

The time Gary gave her a pepper springs to mind, supposedly to test just how much of her memory had disappeared, and she remembers taking one bite and spitting it out in disgust. When he'd shown her a bug pokemon at the lab, caterpie, he'd called it, she remembers the unpleasant, crawling feeling up her spine. A part of her feels relieved that she has something familiar, something to assure her this isn't a dream and she _did_ have a life and none of this is made up.

"Thanks!" Misty exclaims and takes a bite of the delicious chocolate treat.

Gary chuckles and has a seat on the edge of her bed, taking looking around. His eyes fall on the small frame on her bedside table, the one with the photo of herself, Brock and Ash, and his smile disappears. Misty suddenly finds herself unable to enjoy the brownie anymore. He always got the same look on his face whenever he saw it. She thinks it's because of the diaries, but an urge to discover more becomes imminent.

"Hey, Gary?" Misty asks slowly, knowing that it's terrible timing but she something in her needs to try anyway. "Can you tell me more about Ash?" He doesn't look away from the photo but she sees his jaw clench and face fall. Still, she can't help but hope for the best. "I just... I don't know who he is, but I feel like I should. He's in every story Brock tells me and he's in so many photos. You grew up with him, too," Misty rushes out.

Gary turns to her slowly, and it looks like he's struggling with something internally. "You've never been interested before," he replies.

This time it is she who looks away. "I've always been interested, it's just that nobody ever seems to want to tell me. He was such a big part of my life and I-"

"He wasn't," Gary cuts in sharply.

It hits her that there is either something he's not saying for her own good or for his, and Misty feels anger for the first time since she'd 'known' him. Nevertheless, she stays quiet. There's a reason that Brock doesn't talk and Gary gets mad and her sisters look at her with pity every time the subject is brought up. She'd written that Ash Ketchum was her best friend but they _hadn't told her that_.

She'd written that Ash Ketchum was the first person to introduce her to a bug pokemon that she didn't loathe. She'd written that Ash Ketchum was an amazing trainer, that he and Brock were like family.

They only ever mentioned that Brock was like her family.

He changes the subject after that and she doesn't talk about Ash again for the entirety of Gary's visit, but the moment he leaves she locks herself in her room and stays up all night reading of pokemon and adventures and Ash Ketchum.

Misty decides to keep the diaries her own little secret, at least for the time being.

* * *

Gary isn't sure how much longer he can do this.

The more time he spends with her the worse he knows it will be when it comes to an end.

He considers telling Brock that he wants out, but that would involve delving into murky waters which they'd both avoided for a long time now. There would be no way to avoid it and Brock would most definitely demand a reason. He also doesn't want to be the one to explain to Misty why she'd be pawned off to her brother figure, which would make a perfect cover but still cause more mess than anybody had enough strength to deal with.

When he brings it up to his Gramps, arguing that he isn't experienced enough for something of this magnitude, the older male just tells him that it's more beneficial to have somebody her own age to communicate with. He's far too busy with pokemon research for Misty to be his main priority, anyway, and this will be "an incredibly unique challenge" to build his career on as a researcher.

Oh, how little did his Gramps know just how challenging this was.

It's been eight months now and, somehow, he's convinced Brock to keep Ash out of the loop. What is worse is that Misty trusts him completely. She relies on him- on all of them, really, but he's been there the most -to fill her in on her life. Ash Ketchum certainly played a much larger role than he ever did and likely ever would, but Gary continues to tell himself that if Ash was really that important then it would be _him_ taking care of Misty and not the other way around.

That doesn't stop the guilt, though.

He wasn't lying when he'd told Misty that Ash wasn't a large part of her life. He only _used_ to be. Ash lost the right to that somewhere along a very long, very complicated line. A line of coming home once a year and staying for maybe a week if they were lucky. Even Gary only ever saw him if he happened to be at the lab when Ash came by to deliver more pokemon.

Pewter didn't get a second glance. Cerulean didn't get a second thought.

* * *

Brock eventually caves after nine months, and really, he should have seen it coming from a mile away.

"This isn't right, Gary," Brock says. "Ash should be here. She'd _want_ him to be here."

Gary tenses. He doesn't notice the sharp intake of breath he takes, but Brock does. "She _doesn't_ , though. What good will it do to throw him in now? I still haven't determined anything about her memory."

"You've had nine months," Brock points out, "and we're out of ideas. If anyone has any chance of triggering anything or make some progress with her, it's Ash."

A silence lapses between them. It is then, in that moment that Gary sees what everyone else saw before with Misty; the pitiful stare of compassion and understanding. He realises that Brock has been here before, only not with him. The roles are reversed this time. He spent years travelling with his two younger companions, years learning how to deal and react to these situations.

Years recognising how to respond to someone like _him_.

Someone who is completely lost in a person who is lost in something else. Only this time it isn't Misty who is earning the glances, it is him. Brock knows all too well what it looks like and Gary curses himself for letting it get this far. There is a silent promise in the air to not speak of it.

His train of thought is interrupted when Brock speaks again, "You aren't the only one who cares about her, you know. He deserves to be told. Ash has more right than anyon-"

" _He doesn't_ ," Gary cuts him off, harsher than intended. He doesn't want to hear what he doesn't want to admit. "I've made perfectly fine progress with Misty."

"This isn't about you," Brock argues, and it's the closest Gary has ever to heard to him being stern. "This is about _her_ , and if she remembered what we do she would say that he does."

Gary curses himself again. He hates this, but he is out of objections and Brock is insistent. There is nothing more he can say.

It's nearly been a year. Ash would no doubt be coming home soon, and when he did there would be nothing stopping him from finding out. They couldn't- even though he'd damn well try if they'd just let him -keep her in Cerulean for the entire week. She'd realise something was up; they only ever sent her home on weekends.

"Yeah," he chokes out, "I know."

Because without being here for almost a whole year, even more if Gary was to count the times he'd been home and never spared her a second thought, Ash Ketchum still has more value in the life of a girl who is barely aware of his existence than Gary Oak does.

* * *

One moment Gary is preparing to take Misty on a tour through the pokemon fields of his Gramps' lab, and the next he's staring into the cold eyes of one irate Ash Ketchum.

"It's been nine months," Ash grinds out, and Gary thinks this is the angriest he's ever seen the usually cheerful boy, "almost an _entire year_ , and nobody thought to even give me a call?"

Gary shuffles his feet nervously, now regretting the insanely small smug part of him that he hadn't tried to squish beforehand.

Brock replies for them both, "We wanted to Ash, we really did. But you're always so far away a-"

"You know that I would have dropped everything for something like _this_ ," Ash practically hisses. "She's my best friend!"

" _Was_ your best friend," Gary corrects, quick to continue when he sees the flash in Ash's eyes, "she doesn't remember you. As far as Misty is concerned you're just a stranger."

Ash visibly winces and he sees Brock cringe, and he realises that his phrasing could perhaps be better, but sugar-coating when it came to Ash Ketchum has never been his thing. They've always been brutally honest and he cannot stress this enough but Ash-

 _Has._

 _Not._

 _Been._

 _Here._

He isn't aware of the underlying meaning in Gary's words. Brock is, it's glaringly obvious, but as far as Ash is concerned Gary is just being Gary.

"His choice of words is poor, but Gary is right, Ash," Brock says, choosing to leave out the other part. "Misty doesn't remember you."

Ash pauses for a moment and Gary sees his hands shaking. "Does... She does know about me though, right?"

Brock nods and Gary clenches his jaw, torn between jealousy and guilt over how laughably, so _damn helplessly vulnerable_ Ash is when it comes to her.

"She knows what we've told her."

"Which isn't much," Misty speaks up from somewhere behind him, and the three whirl around to find her leaning against the door frame. Her eyes are on Ash and Ash alone, an expression of wonder-slash-amazement crosses her face as she drinks in the presence of the boy she has only ever seen on paper.

Ash, in Gary's opinion, looks utterly stupid. His face drains but he looks like he's seeing the sun for the first time, and Gary resists the urge to roll his eyes.

The tension in the room is so thick that he thinks he could cut it with a knife. Misty stares at Ash and Ash stares at Misty, Brock remains rigid and the world feels slightly less brighter than before. Gary forces his mouth to clamp shut; he knows he'll regret whatever impulsive sounds that were sure to escape. Or maybe he wouldn't, because Mew knows everyone bar Misty is already thinking what he is.

Still, it's hard to breathe and way they are looking at each other is nearly enough to make him sick.

He would give _anythinganythinganything_ to be anywhere but here.

"H-hey, Mist," Ash eventually stutters out with a trembling voice and a shaking smile, almost as if he's afraid of her reaction. "It's been a while."

Anything but _that_.

* * *

guest review replies:

 **Eevee:** Thanks, it's nice to see you again! Loving how you really go in-depth, and I'm enjoying answering your questions. Completely agree with everything you said about Gary, too. :D

Misty's personality is something I'm leaving more open-ended. She's confused and lost because she's meant to be this girl that everyone tells her about, but she doesn't understand how to become that person so she's having a hard time coping with the fact that she can't.

Her nature is largely similar, even if the events that helped shape it are no longer in her mind. The memories themselves are gone but the involuntary reflexes haven't changed. Think of it like taste remaining the same. She'd still react normally to how pre-amnesiac Misty would if presented with a situation, but if someone was to bring up a specific event from her past she wouldn't know how to respond. Her 'fire' would still be there, I imagine, because that's how she's always been, but for now she isn't capable of finding it.

She's burning herself out because she's caught in between a person with no history and everyone else's version of her. The diaries will help with that.

Gary sees the sweet, genuine side of Misty that was only ever really exposed to Ash and Brock. He gets to know her for who she really is, even if it isn't, because all that's left is raw nature. She's still Misty, though, so he's falling for the person underneath everything that used to be there. If that makes sense? XD

 **Modern Kassandra:** Hi! Thanks for your review! I've read so many fics in which Gary is just the asshole or simply there for the sake of plot, but he's never really given the chance to be even somehwhat fleshed out. Glad that you think I'm doing it right :)


	4. In Which The King Plays His Hand

**Endgame**

 _Chapter Four - In Which The King Plays His Hand_

Ash isn't sure what to feel.

He's angry, for one. Angry at Brock and angry at Gary for not telling him anything, but mostly he's infuriated with himself for not being here. He knows it's his fault for not coming back, for never visiting her once in six years. He's crushed and devastated and completely _heartbroken_ because this is Misty Waterflower, and she's his _best friend_ but now she's not-

but to him she still is and always will be.

It makes no sense and it only confuses him more.

But at this current point in time it's easier to hold the other two accountable, because between the mass of jumble thoughts and accepting his own stupidity- and taking in the fact that he's also lost an entire part of his life that he left behind -there just isn't enough room left to think clearly. _It's just easier_.

When she looks at him her gaze is just so completely _empty_. She looks confused as well, but Ash has no idea how to even begin explaining things to her. This whole situation is a mess. He has himself to blame for that, too, but right now that vague look in her eyes keeps on lodging the words in his throat. How was one meant to introduce themselves to someone they've known for half of their life, anyway?

Thankfully, he doesn't have to because she ends up being the one to break the ice.

"It's nice to finally meet you," Misty tells him quietly, not missing the way he winces.

Meet him. That's right. To her, they'd never actually seen each other. Not in person, anyway, and he knows it's not her fault but it still _hurt_. She knows him... knew him? It's still too much to wrap his head around. But she was supposed to know him better than anyone, besides Brock of course, and yet she's saying that it's nice to finally _meet him_.

He swallows thickly before replying, "Yeah. I'm sorry it couldn't have been sooner. I came as soon as Brock called and-"

"This isn't your fault, Ash. Please don't blame yourself," Misty interjects, and he finds his heart breaking all over again.

It _is_ his fault. He _should_ have been here. He's five months late, and now that he can finally do something he doesn't even know where to start. She's the victim in all of this and yet it's _her_ apologising to _him_.

He stares at her like she isn't real, and while Misty is slightly uncomfortable she can't say that she blames him. He knows everything about her, or at least the person she should be, and she's supposed to know every last detail about him but she doesn't. She looks the same and sounds the same but she isn't. That's the hardest part, Ash thinks, because she's still Misty but she's not _his_ Misty.

"How much do you know about me?" Ash asks hesitantly. He doesn't fail to see the way she shark-eyes and shuffles in her seat.

"Well..." Misty bites her lip, pausing momentarily before speaking again, "they told me we travelled a lot as kids."

Ash's heart sinks. The disappointment is quickly replaced with spite, though, because first they keep this bombshell of a crisis from him and now he finds out they didn't even tell her how much she meant to him? How close they were? How they never once separated for three years straight, and the only reason she isn't still by his side is because of her stupid, selfish sisters?

A dark thought of criticism crosses his mind, but he quickly pushes out the logic that this never would have happened had she not have received the phone call that tore her away from him. It wouldn't have, not with him being around to protect her, but he has to remind himself that he's also the one that never came back to check up on her.

Misty continues quickly, "Their intentions were good, I think they were just trying to make the process easier for me. I found some of my old diaries, though. I read through most of the them. You're my best friend, right?"

He feels something akin to hope rise in his chest as opposed to draining away. His signature lopsided grin involuntarily grows and he doesn't want to hold it back.

"That's right," Ash confirms hastily, trying hard to keep the excitement from creeping into his voice. "I used to tell you it was dumb to keep a diary. Never thought I'd pin my life on yours."

"They were pretty detailed," Misty admits with a small laugh.

Ash laughs too, but then his smile fades. "But you don't remember any of it, do you?"

Her face falls and he regrets it for a moment, but they both know it's pointless to avoid truth. "I'm sorry, Ash. I wish I did, but..." she trails off, unsure what else is left to say that they don't already know.

"Don't be," Ash comforts her, still smiling. "You'll always be my Misty."

It comes out differently to how he'd thought, but Ash can't bring himself to rephrase the sentence. It feels right and it sounds right, and he's always gone with his gut when it comes to honesty. She looks surprised but not horrified or uneasy. The atmosphere doesn't become immediately awkward so he thinks it's the right thing to say.

"Even if I all I have are written memories of you, I still feel like you're the one person I don't have to be guarded around. Like you won't hide anything from me," Misty admits.

And truly, he wouldn't. He owed her that much. She deserved to know everything about herself, and he'd tell her absolutely anything Brock and Gary and every other person had neglected to mention.

Ash chuckles. "That's how it's always been with us, Mist."

"If it's not too much to ask for, I'd really like to bring the person on those pages to life," Misty requests, and Ash doesn't dare ask for anything more.

It might not be what'd he'd hoped for, but it was enough.

* * *

Ash is nothing like she was expecting.

It is this reason that she panics, because the Ash Ketchum that was brash and reckless and infuriating isn't this boy. He wasn't really a boy anymore though, but she isn't sure what to classify him as because the age of sixteen is somewhere between the awkward transition of man and kid. He's careful with her. Gentle. Never takes her beyond the second hill outside the lab, but isn't afraid to speak of everything Brock and Gary wouldn't.

She appreciated that he doesn't treat her like glass. She wasn't going to break, and nobody seemed to get that.

If anything, he's only afraid of her reaction.

He doesn't seem to mind making himself vulnerable when it comes to her, though, and that's the part that confuses her the most.

Misty finishes the diaries exactly nineteen days after Ash makes the decision to stay. It feels strange to discover herself through her own writing, but she finds all of the questions she was unable to answer previously become clear as the pages continue to turn.

She learns all about the mysterious boy whom everyone loves yet avoids like the plague when it comes to her. She hates having to fill in the blanks for herself, especially since there _were no blanks_ because her memory didn't contain gaps, only a massive portion she wouldn't even know wasn't there if they didn't tell her it was gone, but she needs to know more about him.

Ash Ketchum in the flesh was nothing like the boy who made her ignite with a passion to strive to achieve her dreams. She feels like she shouldn't be judging because she isn't his Misty even if he thinks she is, even if he doesn't feel like her Ash, but what difference does she know? The diaries only ever speak of him being compassionate towards her twice; once before her performance during the Whirl Cup Tournament and once more when they parted ways forever.

And she knows it's useless but she can't help but try to force herself to remember even though it's impossible.

There isn't anything blocking those memories. They're just _gone_.

Misty knows this hurts him, too. So much more than it frustrates her.

It's everything she used to have but still has, except she doesn't because she can't even remember what she's supposed to be missing.

Despite all of that, it's nice having him here. He's patient with her and kind, and he shares so much about the world that she's never seen. Or maybe she has, she just doesn't remember. For example, tonight Ash chooses to introduce her- was it really an introduction if she was there when it happened? -to his bulbasaur. Bypassing the field of endless tauros that Gary never even let her anywhere near, Ash steers her towards a smaller area.

"We first met Bulbasaur because of you, ya know," Ash begins, easing the seed pokemon over to them gently. "You tried to capture a wild oddish but Bulbasaur here rushed to its aid."

Misty smiles at the sound the pokemon makes, turning it into a grin when it nudges her with its head for further petting.

Ash watches with a certain fondness and continues, "We ended up in a hidden village where Team Rocket tried to steal the pokemon living there. Bulbasaur helped us save them all, and in the end decided to come with us. Bulbasaur was with us for a really long time after that. He resisted evolution, just like Pikachu. You even battled with him once for the Queen of the Princess Festival."

As the sky fades to black and the stars start to appear, Misty finds herself feeling more at home than she ever has before. Ash is sweet, and not once does he get annoyed with her for not remembering the tiniest details to the most important ones. She has no memories of anything he talks about, but unlike everyone else he makes her feel special. She can picture the stories perfectly. She's there now even if she can't remember it, because she knows she was a part of it once before.

She feels like she knows him just a little bit more, and through that she finds a small piece of herself to go with it.

Somewhere along the line Misty ends up inside because Ash said he had a surprise for her, so she thought it would be a good chance to get them something to eat seeing as they weren't coming back inside anytime soon. She grabs one blanket and one pillow, then moves to the kitchen where she is surprised to find Gary waiting.

"I see nothing's changed," Gary remarks quietly, and Misty isn't sure whether it's one of those things he does when he blocks away the rest of the world or just a casual observation based on her past with Ash.

She can't decide, so instead she laughs and grabs a plate of fried chicken from the fridge. "He's certainly easy to talk to," Misty replies.

"You aren't disappointed? Is he what you thought he'd be?"

She shakes her head. "Not at all. Ash is... Well, he's Ash. You can't really describe him. But I can't say I'd want him to be any different," Misty says honestly.

Gary only nods, as if it was the answer he'd been expecting. She can't read him very well and it's like he's closed off, but at the same time this is no different to how he's always been. When she turns to leave he stops her and moves aside to reveal the reason he'd been in the kitchen before she walked in. She almost feels _wrong_ because she's not sharing it with him, but only hesitates for a brief moment before grabbing two straws; one yellow and one blue.

She takes the hot chocolate with vanilla, whipped cream and half a brownie on the side before slipping back outside into Ash's waiting arms.

* * *

"Pikachupi?"

* * *

"Why didn't you tell her the first thing about me?" Ash demands, eyes burning through the two men on the other side of the room.

"You weren't around, Ash. We didn't want to have to fill her mind with you only to watch it break when you didn't come back," Gary remarks, casual tone only causing Ash's rage to spike.

"What Gary is _trying_ to say," Brock cuts in before Ash has the chance, "is that it was hard enough having to try to rebuild her life from scratch. You meant a lot to Misty, Ash, and it would only confuse her more. She'd want to know why you haven't been around for the past three years."

The sharp jolt that courses through Ash's chest is less then pleasant, his anger slowly ebbing away as it's replaced with shame. He could be as angry as he liked with them but that didn't change the fact that they were right. Gary forces himself to keep his mouth shut but makes no effort to remove the smug grin from his face.

"Is there any chance at all of her regaining her memories back?" Ash asks quietly.

Brock shakes his head. "I've had Gary looking into it for months. Professor Oak, too. I'm sorry Ash. Under normal circumstances her memories would have returned by now, or at the very least some of them. But Misty still claims that she feels like nothing is missing," he answers, remorse present in his tone.

The utter despair that is so damn evident on Ash's face almost makes Gary feel sorry for him. _Almost_.

"We think it's due to the pokemon being under mega-evolution at the time of the attack," Gary states, needing to get out of his own head. "There isn't anything we can do."

A pregnant silence falls over the room and Gary can practically _hear_ Ash's heart breaking.

Eventually, Brock speaks up, "Misty really didn't remember anything about you? Nothing clicked at all?"

Ash shakes his head and Gary can't stop the swell of satisfaction that rises in his chest. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing," Ash replies quietly. "She only knows what she's read about in her diaries, but none of that sparked anything either. Her memories are really gone, Brock... What am I supposed to do?"

"What diaries?" Gary asks before he has time to think it over.

Ash eyes him warily. "She documented the entire time we spent travelling together," he says, not missing the way Gary's expression hardens.

Brock perks up immediately, a grin stretching across his face. "That's great, Ash! So even if she can't remember, she still knows everything that went on in that time?"

"Yeah. No thanks to the two of you," Ash mutters bitterly.

"We did what we thought would be better for her," Gary bites out in annoyance. "You have a chance to make things right. Don't screw it up."

Ash glances outside to where Misty pulls Pikachu closer to her chest, tears softly glistening in her eyes.

"Believe me," Ash manages to choke out, "I won't. Not this time."

* * *

Guest review replies:

Modern Kassandra: Hi again! Thanks for your review. I'm trying to get as much depth as possible with Gary while not making the story entirely about him romance. Still, what you said about one-shots is so right. I don't read many anymore, but from the little I've seen with the GaryxAshxMisty triangle it's just... It just usually isn't detailed or he's sorta stuck on the sidelines. Or he's a included for a moment of brief asshole-induced drama and then tossed away.

Guest (the first one): Glad you liked that, I wanted to write insight on Gary's progression in regards to how Misty was just _that_ girl and now she's becoming something more.

Guest (the second one): Huehuehue, that's all part of the mystery. I'm trying to take a more realistic spin on how things would go. Not just Point A to Point B in one chapter. Thanks for your review!


	5. In Which The Joker Plays The Fool

**Endgame**

 _Chapter Five - In Which The_ _Joker Plays The Fool_

They're bored and Misty is out of things to ask about, so through a series of events that Gary will never speak of, he ends up painting her nails instead.

Apparently Professor Oak doesn't keep a regular supply of nail polish at the lab, shockingly enough, something she laughs at when he tells her, so Brock is requested to bring one of his little sister's instead. Misty's favourite colour has always been any shade of blue, but Cindy Slate doesn't have blue, so Brock arrives with the closest thing to it: Green.

The name of the shade says 'leaf green'. Gary wonders just how much the universe must hate him.

He takes the bottle without looking at it and prays to whatever Pokegod is listening that she doesn't see the way it almost burns him. Gingerly, he unscrews the lid and does his best to ignore the way that colour mocks him with every stroke. It compliments her eyes, he admits, but it doesn't feel right having _her_ look up at him from Misty. It's just another reminder of things he cannot have and girls he cannot touch, whether they be three feet away or somewhere isolated on the peak of a mountain.

"Those diaries," Gary finds himself saying, "How much of your life do they talk about?"

He takes note of the way she hesitates. She hadn't told anyone- other than Ash apparently -about the diaries, so he'd been pretty sure of the fact that she wanted them to remain hidden. Now that Ash was back it wasn't worth keeping them a secret anymore. Brock and himself couldn't take them away or tell her what was written was false, but she still appeared to not be entirely happy with the revelation that they knew about them.

Misty answered the question anyway.

"Everything. I wrote down everything from the moment I ran away until my sister's forced me back," she tells him, the slight hardness in the way she says the last part sounding eerily familiar to how old Misty would have said it.

That meant they were filled with adventures and Brock Slate and _Ash Ketchum_.

"Ah," Gary replies, unable to say any more. That meant she purposely kept them hidden. Misty was a smart girl, Gary had to give her that.

"I'm content with the way things are because it doesn't feel like anything is missing, but when I read about Ash I kind of wish I could," Misty confides. "I think the girl who wrote those tales would really like to speak to him."

Gary grips the bottle tighter, and it almost feels like he's looking to Leaf for comfort which feels just as wrong as this conversation, but his options are limited. He really, _really_ doesn't want to talk about Ash Ketchum. It's nice having time with her, but it's so much harder when every other person that he just wants to forget for even one moment manages to claw their way back in.

The cycle of _LeafMistyAshLeafMistyAshLeafMistyAshLeafMistyAsh_ swirls on and on through his head and he just can't stop the emotions and memories that came with the names.

In a momentary lapse of weakness, he envies her ability to not know.

But then he snaps back to reality and spits out the first thing that comes to his mind. "What do you think she would say?"

Misty pauses, biting her lip in thought and Gary has to force his eyes back down to her nails because one simple action should not be that tempting, should not put so many unwelcome thoughts in his head.

"I think she'd want to scream at him. I think she'd want to say so many things, things like how he promised we would always be best friends then but never came back. That she spent so many years waiting and wondering. How many sleepless nights she spent crying, wishing he'd at least give her one phone call," she pauses, taking a few breaths, "but most of all... I think she'd tell him that she misses him. She misses him a lot."

When Gary looks up again, she is crying. Not the bawl-like-a-baby kind of crying, but the silent one. There are tears and there is a newfound sadness in her eyes, but there is no sobbing. She does not shake or tremble. It is not the kind of crying that craves comfort or requires condolences. It's the kind that is self-induced, one that only she can make go away, and so Gary forces himself not to touch her out of fear of never being able to let go.

"You know," Misty says quietly as the tears slowly fall, "I wrote about you, too."

He freezes. She wrote about _him_? What in the name of Mew could she have possibly-

"I wrote that you were an arrogant jerk that treated Ash like dirt. You always insulted him. You insulted me, too. You're nickname for me was 'Red'," Misty tells him.

She blinks and another tear rolls down her throat constricts and his mouth feels too dry. Gary wishes more than ever that he could go back in time and kick his twelve-year old self for being such an asshole.

"I'm sorry," he manages to choke out. She looks at him. _Really_ looks at him, and Gary feels the most defenceless he's ever felt in his entire life. Her eyes, those endless depths of cerulean, almost look as though they're trying to solve something. Solve _him_. It is the most uncomfortable Gary Oak has ever been. After what feels like centuries but has probably only been thirty seconds at the most, she finally stops searching.

"You're different," Misty says at last. "I didn't want to believe it, because the Gary I know isn't like that. The diaries have yet to lie but... You're different. You aren't the boy in the books and neither is Ash."

"I guess you're not the only one who has changed," Gary replies, his expression hard. Ash hasn't changed at all.

Time was a fickle thing.

They sit in silence, with him starting on her other hand while she watches him. She doesn't look at her nails, and he's slightly grateful because he's always been terrible at anything art-related. Nail painting was hardly a form of drawing, but it still involves practicality and a steadiness that he has never possessed. It doesn't help that the shade of _leaf green_ continues to scorn him.

He doesn't know why, but he finds himself talking, "You know... There used to be this girl," Gary says, and he is horrified because he hasn't spoken about her in years but the words just keep flowing out, "her name was Leaf. She grew up with Ash and I here in Pallet Town, and left on her Pokemon journey the same day we began ours."

Like he did with her, Misty remains silent as he talks.

"Leaf is the kind of girl who never spoke much, but she did with me. We had a... mutual understanding, I suppose you could call it. There was always something haunting her. She grew up too quickly; life wasn't fair to her," Gary tells her, surprised at how easy it all came out.

Before Gary's mother's death there was Leaf's father's death. Before Gary's father's abandonment there was his infidelity, and before Leaf's childhood was shattered there were two broken families that tore each other apart in but a moment of weakness.

Leaf found out far before he did. She was only a child, but it wasn't until he reached his much less impressionable adolescent years that she told him. She never blamed him for the way her life turned out, not even once, though on some level he's always held himself accountable enough for the both of them. Always blamed himself for her rejection of humanity.

"She's beautiful. There's something about her that just draws you in. Maybe it's the thrill of the unknown. Maybe it's her eyes; they're the deepest emerald green I've ever seen, and when she looks at you, it feels like she can see right through to your soul," Gary describes.

 _Tauntingly beautiful, tragically intangible._

He's almost lost in thoughts and memories until Misty finally speaks up, "Do you love her?" she asks carefully.

He glances down at the bottle of nail polish. The bottle of _leaf green_ nail polish and somehow it doesn't seem so menacing. He turns it in his hand once, twice, three times, before looking back up at her.

"No. Maybe once, I'm not sure. Definitely not anymore," Gary answers honestly. "I might have. Guess I'll never really know."

Misty nods slowly. "Where is she now?"

Gary can't help but laugh. Oh, he knew where she was alright. Leaf was in the same place she'd been for the last five years. The same mountain she'd climbed when they were fifteen, been on when Misty first had the accident, and remained for the last two years she'd stayed at the lab.

"She was meant to participate in the Indigo League with us but she never showed up. As far as I know Ash never came across her during his journey, and the next time I saw her was at fifteen through sheer dumb luck. It was also the last time I saw her," Gary replies. It isn't an answer, but he feels like it isn't his place to go further into Leaf's life than he already has.

Misty gives him a sympathetic smile and reaches out a comforting hand- and in a way it was like Leaf was there too, because it was _her_ shade that Misty had etched onto her nails -to place against his knee. It isn't much, but to Gary it means the world. When he looks at her tear-stained cheeks and eyes still pooling with unshed tears, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't completely destroy him when all of this was over.

 _Tauntingly intangible, tragically beautiful._

"I was right," Misty says softly, "you definitely aren't the boy I wrote about back then."

"He was me, though. I'm still the same person, just older," Gary whispers back, and the words taste sour on his tongue.

He really wants to say that the past cannot just be erased, but that would be both ironic and untrue. For her, it _had_ been erased.

"I don't think that boy would have put up with me for two years while I hopelessly tried to live a secondhand life," Misty says softly. "I highly doubt he would have painted my nails, either. I still haven't thanked you for that."

"Don't," Gary immediately says.

 _Really. You shouldn't._

* * *

"Do you ever get scared, Gary?" Misty asks him as he helps her pack for the trip Brock and Ash are taking her on.

He raises an eyebrow. Scared? The demons of his past and within his mind are the only things that have terrified him for years. Nothing that belongs in the real world could possibly compare to them.

Misty goes on when he doesn't reply, "Not having memories used to scare me. Now, I'm scared to get them back. It's been hard enough adjusting to this life; I don't want to have to fight between two of me."

Gary doesn't have the heart to tell her that she'll never have to.

"Come on," she prods, nudging him with a paper cup. "There has to be _something_ that scares you."

She was right. He was a Pokemon Professor in training. He'd seen a lot of things regular people, even regular trainers, would be sick to the stomach over. Despite all the hyped-up glory of a Professor, the job itself was far less glamorous than advertised. Studying pokemon was not always a joyous affair. There were several good times, yes, but Professor's studied all pokemon, and that included the sick and dying ones too.

And then a thought hits him.

"You scare me," Gary tells her truthfully, his expression remaining stoic when she laughs.

"I thought Ash and Brock were the only two I ever threatened," Misty jokes.

"They were," Gary replies with a light chuckle. "But you scare me too, because I tell you things that I can't even tell myself."

There is that awful moment when you realise that you're falling in love. That should be the most joyful moment, but for Gary it is only followed but the crushing realisation that an already messy situation is going to get far more dangerous. He's competing for something that not only is the opposite of his to try for, but also for something that has been off the table since they were twelve.

Ash still hasn't returned her heart from the last time he took it.


	6. In Which the Ace Is Priceless

**Endgame**

 _Chapter Six - In Which the Ace Is Priceless_

There is an unspoken agreement that nobody talks about the past in any way that could affect Misty negatively.

'Nobody' meant Gary and Ash, and 'unspoken agreement' meant that Brock had made it clear that when it came to personal feelings they just needed to shut up and deal with it, because she was not ready.

Now that everything was out in the open- or almost, because she didn't really know everything yet -Brock wasn't quite sure how to proceed.

The easiest way would to just get Ash to spend as much time with Misty as possible, and Mew knew the two deserved it. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive himself for listening to Misty's sister and Gary. Keeping Ash a secret was foolish, especially for such a long time. What made matters worse is that Misty found out on her own.

He'd never lied to her, he always made sure of that.

They'd just never told her the whole truth; still hadn't. Not even Ash knew that she was in love with him, once upon a time. It would not be a fair revelation. Then again, nothing about this is fair. Not to any of them. But he knows that Ash deserves more time with Misty than anyone, and he's already guesses that he'll leave soon.

If history is any reference, Ash will be gone before the week is up. He'll be back, though. This time they'll all make sure of that.

He knows that Ash blames himself for what happened and although Brock is aware the accident was nobody's fault, it wasn't out of the question to believe that had any of them been there then it might not have came to be. If Ash had come back at all it might not have came to be. For now, getting Ash to share as much of his time and memories as possible would have to suffice.

Brock can't help but smile when he sees them interact. Misty snuggled up to Pikachu on the couch while Ash goes through his Pokedex is something that warms his heart, even if it dulls a little when he sees Gary in the corner watching them with an emotion in his eyes he cannot decipher. It's a horrible feeling, experiencing secondhand jealousy, but it isn't something that can be avoided.

Gary put himself in this mess. Just like Ash put himself in it as well, and he's doing everything he can to make it right.

Maybe they couldn't bring Misty's memories back, but at least they can relive part of their first journey for that one afternoon.

* * *

Ash stares at her from beside Brock wonders how he could have been such an idiot.

Throughout all his travels, everything that he's gained and lost, there have always been only two constant things that he's known. The first is that he loved pokemon, and one day he was going to storm the League and take the title of Pokemon Champion.

The second was that Misty Waterflower had always been more than just his best friend, even when he hadn't a clue what feelings were.

It started as a simple crush at the very best. Now it was something so much more. Being out here with her, Brock and Pikachu, he knows this is where he belongs. Where _they_ belong. He despises the fact that they kept this from him for so long, but really, he doesn't blame them. Because while Gary had been an idiot, at least his heart was in the right place. He'd only wanted to protect Misty and give her a pain free life. He didn't want the burden of her emotions to weigh her down anymore. When he thinks about it, Ash can't say that he was entirely wrong.

He despises Gary for being so selfish, and he feels like a hypocrite.

So while he can try blaming Gary for all that happened with Misty, deep down he knows that it's his own fault for never being there. He'd meant to go see her, he really did. But there was always a new place to explore or a new pokemon to discover or an evil organisation to thwart. It had never been his intention to cast her aside. These things just found him. Now that he's here, though... With Misty, everything just feels so right.

He'd never let her pay for his mistakes again. Not anymore.

* * *

"So _this_ is where you stole her bike from, huh?"

"Ash Ketchum, my diaries said that you still haven't replaced that!"

* * *

"And here, Misty, is where Ash first attempted to catch a caterpie against a pidgeotto," Brock recounts, much to the embarrassment of Ash.

"...You tried sending a bug type out against a flying type?"

"You didn't even like Caterpie!"

* * *

"Ash Ketchum! You have so gotten us lost!" Misty's screech practically echoed off of every tree in the forest.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Brock hides his smile and despite it all, for that one afternoon nothing has changed.

* * *

When they walk through the front door like nothing has changed, Gary resists the urge to just leave and never look back because it's all smiles and laughter. It's amazing how Ash has one afternoon with her and it's like nothing has changed. If he was on the outside looking in it was almost as if none of this had ever happened.

He supposes that in a way he always has been. It's even worse when Ash stays behind while Misty and Brock move somewhere else.

"I saw you with her earlier. You looked happy," Ash tells him.

"It doesn't matter whether I am or not. We both know I've only been temporary," Gary replies, shooting him down. The words sting them both, and it hurts so much more than it should when he says them aloud. He knows it is pointless to dance around the truth though, and it is something he finds himself wishing he'd realised sooner.

Ash is silent. He watches the stars, and Gary briefly wonders whether Ash hates him as much as he hates himself.

"Don't say that, you know it isn't true," Ash says eventually.

He hates himself even more for knowing he wouldn't change a thing.

"You don't need to sugar coat it. I won't deny that I tried to prolong her finding out, and it's even more useless to pretend that she was the only one I did it for," Gary admits.

He watches Ash clench his jaw, then the realisation that he doesn't blame him hits home harder that he'd like it to.

Ash speaks up again when he won't, "I'm leaving again."

Gary can't stop himself from laughing. It's even worse when he picks up on the guilt in his voice, but then he sees what Ash is trying to do.

He's giving him a chance.

"Of course you are," he replies. Even with the way things are now, Ash still couldn't stop the call of the unknown. He needed it, craved it more than life itself.

Playing the game of love was a dangerous one indeed. Gary knows his time is nearly up. When a queen is in your hand, you play carefully. You make each move with caution. He's fully aware that he's been dealing and placing down cards that were never meant to be in his hand to begin with.

"I'll come back once a month for a week," Ash adds, like it makes a difference.

Just enough yet nowhere close. It doesn't help that it's more than he ever came back before. Gary speaks again before Ash can get the chance, "I hope you know that it won't change anything."

"Why not?" Ash challenges, and Gary almost feels bad for him. Even through all of this, after all that they've both done, he's still trying to give him a chance with her. It's one of Ash's more redeemable traits, and Gary thinks he might hate him just a little bit more for that.

The offer is tempting. It's right there, and it could be his for the taking. But then he thinks of Misty. He is fully aware of his place; he's known it for a long time now.

"Because even with her memory gone it's crystal clear that the only person who ever had a shot is you."

Ash falls silent once more, and when Gary glances over he sees years of history that he wishes could be erased. He knows it's selfish and he knows it's stupid, but it's times like these when he wills more than anything to be the one in Misty's place instead.

He doesn't even deserve that, he supposes. Not after what he's done to her.

"Gary... Misty wouldn't be where she is without you. You know that, right?" Ash tells him, but the words meant for comfort only feel like swords.

He laughs bitterly. "I did what anyone would do. Then it got personal. You shouldn't be grateful to me, you know."

He can almost feel Ash wince, but they both know it's true. If he had anything to say about it, Misty would still be happily oblivious in the Cerulean Gym.

"If it weren't for you she might be in another region living another life," Ash pointed out.

Gary knows he has no place in a love triangle built for two. He doesn't know how, but he thinks that in some way Ash would have managed to find a way back into her life. He was like a magnet to Misty Waterflower in that way. No amount of hidden secrets and hot chocolates with vanilla, whipped cream and a half a brownie could fix that. Nor could they remedy what he's done.

"Sometimes I wish she was," Gary says quietly. "And if it weren't for those diaries and Brock, she'd be different too."

For a moment, Gary briefly envisions a white picket fence around a house in Cerulean. There's a lab down the road and two children in the yard, and Ash Ketchum is nowhere in sight. Then the vision shatters, because dreams are fictions and this is reality, and there is no reality in which Misty Waterflower and himself will ever have that happy ending.

Ash chooses to ignore his last sentence.

"There's something I need to know, Gary," Ash starts slowly, and continues when he doesn't get a response, "how do you feel about her?"

Gary tenses. There's a lot of uneasy ground between the two of them, and thus far they'd managed to avoid treading on any of it. Things worked because emotions stayed out of conversations, and they stopped working when they unearthed themselves into situations where they didn't belong. That's the reason they were in their current situation, after all.

"You already know the answer to that," Gary replies. "Either way, it doesn't make a difference; hearing it out loud won't make it better."

Ash gets it. Gary doesn't know whether that makes him feel better or not, and decides that it doesn't matter. Either way, when all is said and done, he's made his decision because the universe made it for him a long time ago.

"I'm sorry," Ash says quietly.

Gary stares up at the sky for a moment, wondering exactly which star in the sky Misty is to the raven haired boy that stole everything from him. He then turns around and walks away, speaking one final sentence before ending their conversation.

"It's your turn, Ash."

The metaphor goes unmentioned, but Ash understands it either way. He wishes he didn't.

* * *

 **So, funny story: I wrote this entire fic a year ago. The reason I stopped updating was because of this chapter, because it wasn't originally in the story but I felt like I needed to add something extra. There just needed to be something more to connect the whole thing together so it didn't feel like it jumped from one thing to another.**

 **Before I knew it a year had passed and I was like "..." so I polished what I had, and prepared it for posting.**

 **Aaaaaand then I kinda accidentally deleted it?**

 **So I had to rewrite the whole damn thing but there are only two more chapters after this so it'll be done within the month.**

 **Whoops?**


	7. In Which The Odds Are Gambled

**Endgame**

 _Chapter Seven - In Which the Odds Are Gambled_

The next time Ash visits, he brings Serena.

Gary laughs out of sheer irony at how much the universe loved to throw paradoxes at him every chance it got. Maybe he tempted fate when he'd painted Misty's nails. Serena looks like Leaf, almost shockingly so. If one were to darken her hair just a little and replace her blue eyes with ones of green he wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Leaf hasn't been seen in years but he knows, something in him still feels that she is waiting up there on that stupid, impenetrable mountain.

And until she came down nothing would really be okay.

Ash introduces Serena to Misty and it's so painfully obvious that she's as in love with him as much as-

 _Gary is with Misty and Misty should be with Ash and Ash is with Misty_

it's painfully obvious as it is that Ash is completely clueless. He feels for the girl and loses another part of him to bitterness, because _why in the name of fucking Arceus did somebody else need to be dragged into the mix?_

He spends the day watching Serena, who in turn spends the day watching Ash with Misty. The latter floats right back to him and it's like he never left in the first place. It is during this period that Gary realises exactly what he's been doing, because he and Serena are exactly the same. She longs for something impossible just as he longs for something that he only gained through circumstantial, accidental luck.

Only it could not have been luck, because look at where they are now.

Misty had to be hurt in the process and Ash is closer to her than ever and Gary is more miserable than he was before this whole thing started. As for Serena... Gary watches her idly twirl a straw through a glass of lemonade, all the while keeping her focus on the two out in the fields of the lab.

"There's a strange pleasure in loving someone who doesn't love you in return, isn't there?" Gary asks her, not surprised when she jumps at the sudden question.

She stutters. She denies. She turns as red as every tomato sitting in the bowl over by the windowsill.

He chuckles. "Don't worry, I won't say anything. We're in the same boat."

Serena is still in auto-defence mode which is just _denydenydeny_ , but then her eyes widen, something clicks, and Gary sees that she understands what he said.

"You're in love with her too, then," Serena remarks, and it's really more of a statement than a question.

He nods and she gives a bitter laugh, probably wondering what in the name of Mew made this girl so special. Really, he couldn't answer if she tried to ask. Misty was Misty and that's all there was to it.

But then he looks at Serena and he sees Leaf.

And suddenly everything left unsaid and all the things that never happened crashed down on him. All the time he spent thinking about the paths they took and what could have been different had he only pushed his pride aside for one moment. Maybe they could have travelled together. Maybe he might have been able to change whatever went wrong on her journey. Maybe none of them would have been in this ridiculous situation.

She'd never shown up to the Indigo League, after all. It wasn't until the Johto Conference was over and he'd made the decision to become a researcher that he even heard her name again. The three of them, Ash, Leaf and himself, had all made a pact before the start of their journey to meet and battle it out at the Indigo Plateau. But Leaf never showed and he was too self-absorbed and Ash was already so far ahead of him in every other aspect that it was all forgotten.

For the first time in years, he allows himself to be absorbed in his memories of a girl that could have been everything.

He can barely breathe, because Serena reminds him of Leaf in so many ways that it stopped being ironic by at least the twenty-seventh reason. Gary can feel it drain away as opens his carefully guarded heart to nothing but his mind. He wonders what could have been, but at some point he remembers why fantasies and could-have-beens are pointless.

She chose to climb a mountain to escape whatever chased her up there in the first place, and had she not left him at the bottom perhaps he could have loved her instead.

Deep down, he knows why she's there. He's always known, really, but Mount Silver is a suicide climb and he's having a hard enough time surviving the demons that live at the bottom of it. A thought hits him that the harsh winds and jagged slopes may be less painful, even less dangerous than the prison he's built for himself within the walls of the lab, and for a brief moment he understands what went on inside Leaf's mind before all of this.

Gary finds himself longing for the girl of his childhood. The one who played with him amongst the rolling plains and accepted his wildflowers. The girl who spent the night with him in that dingy shack on Route 29 in the pouring rain when they were fifteen. The girl who listened and understood and cried on his shoulder. The girl he'd shared himself with, opened up and bared himself to in more ways than one that night.

He longs for the girl who left him with nothing but a lipstick-stained napkin on the bedside table when he woke up alone the next morning. She lost herself in him and then within the mountains because civilisation has been nothing but a curse. For a moment, and one moment is all he allows, he blames her for where they are now even if he's just as much at fault.

There were parts about him and Leaf that he had not told even Misty. Parts that he'd always keep between himself and Leaf, because only Leaf could break him in ways he broke her and nobody else could ever understand why.

What lasts decades for him is only moments for Serena, though, and she's still too lost drowning in her own heartache.

When Gary returns to reality, he realises just why he fell for the girl that never belonged to him.

* * *

Two weeks pass and Ash leaves again. Nobody is surprised, but Misty is still disappointed.

What does come as a surprise is that Serena isn't going with him.

"Watching them and talking to you has made me realise how much time I'm wasting," Serena tells him while nobody else is around. "Thank you, Gary. I need to move on. Sticking with Ash isn't going to get me anywhere. This is something I need to do for myself."

Gary wishes he could do the same.

He doesn't say anything but he understands, and he knows that _she knows_ he understands, so nothing more is said. She cuts her hair and leaves Kanto to start over, but it isn't back in Kalos. He doesn't ask and she doesn't mention it so he thinks it's for the best that they don't elaborate on the subject. Even with shorter hair, he still can't help but picture Leaf when he looks at her.

Serena's departure also makes him realise many things. Things that he was too stubborn and reluctant to admit before. Gary knows he isn't blinded by love, he isn't that delusional, but he's well aware that he's too stuck and comfortable in his own chains that he refuses to leave them behind. Still, he can't help but agonise over longing for Misty to follow Serena's road.

But that is illogical, because Misty has what Serena wants and Ash has what Gary wants.

Serena has never had a hope in hell and she is finally ready to admit that, and that's the only reason she was strong enough to torch the fragile bridge connecting her and Ash.

But Gary isn't that strong and he's already in too deep. They all have one thing Serena lacks, and that's history. You can't just undo all those years and memories- even if Misty hasn't got those anymore, but she has new ones -and emotions. It isn't as simple to sever the ties of childhood, and on some level he accepts that is why he'll never be able to burn Leaf Green.

He will never reach her as long as she hides from him, but a part of him will always be waiting.

But Misty...

She will never be ready to burn Ash Ketchum, no matter how many times he would willingly send that bridge up in flames for her.

Deep down he knows it isn't right but he can't stop himself from yearning. It's wrong, and even though she'll never truly know him or have any real memories other than those stupid diaries that sent her straight back to Ash, he'll always have late nights and long talks and hot chocolate with vanilla, whipped cream and a brownie pushed over the rim.

He decides to keep on loving this girl, the one who will forever be hopelessly, unknowingly devoted to the boy who repeatedly breaks her heart.

* * *

Sometimes, Misty stares at the sky and wonders about the life she used to lead.

Nothing has changed, really. She is still the same girl- even if she doesn't know who _that girl_ was -running the same Gym- did she really grow up here? -with the same sisters- whom she had never felt more distant from -in the same town. She wakes up at six every morning to exercise and train pokemon- that she doesn't remember -before tackling the challengers that come to battle her.

Gary comes over for half the week and she goes to Professor Oak's lab during the other half. Neither of them make her feel like a test subject, but it's still strange to be monitored. At least Ash's seemingly endless hoard of pokemon keep her content. Sometimes she prefers their company over Gary, if only for the simple reason that they make her feel closer to Ash and the travels of her past, but she never tells him that.

It doesn't feel like there is a blank space in her memory. It doesn't feel like there is something missing. She still feels so detached from the girl who filled in the pages of those diaries.

Her heart doesn't skip a beat when somebody mentions Ash Ketchum.

He is just another part of her life except he _isn't_ , because she doesn't remember him even though he tries so hard to be there.

The only problem is that nothing feels wrong, and that scares her more than anything.

* * *

The void Ash leaves behind only grows more and more each time he says goodbye.

Gary may as well be using paper and glue to patch it up again.

Ash never stays for long, but it is always just enough to erase whatever little progress Gary makes. She always goes right back to him.

He doesn't remember when the dark became so soothing. He likes to sit alone with his thoughts at night, when everybody else is asleep and he cannot be disturbed. He likes the chill of the air as it ghosts against his face, the silence and the promise of a new day. The world was so insistent on reminding him that he was the boy with everything and nothing.

He was the one that set the stakes so high that he could never reach them.

Because what takes him months takes Ash mere seconds, and he can't but wonder _whywhywhy_ he'd let it come this far.

And as he sits in the dead of night watching the two figures huddled together under the night sky, he wonders how Ash can possibly stare at the stars when Misty is right there beside him. The night wears on and nobody moves. The stars continue to shine and the gentle breeze blows against the wildflowers and somewhere in the distance, waves crash against the shore.

On the counter, two hot chocolates with vanilla and whipped cream grow cold, bits of brownie crumbling away as the night wears on.

* * *

Another of Ash's travelling companions comes to visit, and this one makes Misty feel like she's missing something.

"I've lost my memory; not my ability to hold a conversation," Misty jokes when the new girl is hesitant, and to her relief she laughs.

She decides that she likes May Maple far more than the other one.

May is sweet, and she reminds Misty of Ash in many ways. She is rash and spirited and isn't afraid to speak her mind, and when Misty asks she recounts the tale about Togepi in the Mirage Kingdom like it was yesterday. She passionately describes several instances of what she refers to as 'May's Expeditions', something Brock groans at but allows because it makes Misty smile.

Later, when Brock is in the kitchen and Misty is alone with May, the latter decides that it was time that the last lie everybody still covered up to be unveiled.

"So you really don't remember anything?" May asks, and Misty is so used to the question by now but it still never fails to send a pang through her chest.

"Nothing. Not one thing," Misty answers.

May is quiet for a moment. Misty thinks that she's having an internal debate, and that is confirmed when the girl sighs and opens her mouth slowly, "What do you think about Ash?"

She wasn't expecting that. The way May is watching her doesn't make Misty feel like when Serena was watching her, so she takes a stab in the dark and assumes this one is looking for a specific answer.

"Ash? He's been great, I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't been here. He's my best friend," Misty tells her truthfully. Because really, what else is she supposed to say? The look on May's face, the way she bites her lip and looks away... Misty knows she's given the wrong answer.

"I meant how do you _feel_ about him?" May tries again, and there is almost something desperate in her voice. It almost sounds like a plea. When Misty looks lost, May continues, "When you lost your memories, all of the emotions you held towards the people you knew disappeared too, right? Did any of them come back?"

"I don't know what you're asking me," Misty responds. She feels anxious now, as though there is something she should know that she doesn't. May is definitely keeping something from her but she feels like she's about to find out what it is. This bubbly, happy-go-lucky girl is completely serious, almost sorrowful. It makes her nauseous and Misty isn't so sure that she wants to know.

"Come with me," May says quietly. It's almost so quiet that Misty doesn't hear her, but May begins walking and Misty feels her legs follow.

Needless to say, when May walks through the door of her bedroom and makes a turn for the closet, Misty becomes more lost than ever. May sits on the floor, tapping the empty space on the floor beside her with one hand in a gesture for Misty to take a seat. She does, and May gives her another sad smile before opening the door.

"You mentioned that you read diaries," May says as she searches for whatever it is she's looking for. "You said they helped you learn about who Ash was and who you were. They confirmed things you already knew, too."

May slowly reaches into the back of the closet and pulls out the box that contains the trinkets and aforementioned diaries. Misty opens her mouth and then closes it. She takes the box, confused as to why May pulled them out.

"They say what everyone else told me. Sometimes more," Misty tells her, still unsure what she's getting at.

"So you trust them completely, right? Those diaries are evidence of your thoughts, feelings, and life?" May questions, urgency in her voice, and Misty nods slowly in affirmation.

That appears to be all May needs, because this time when she reaches in, her hand comes out holding a small book.

"Judging by the look on your face, I take it you didn't know about this," May guesses.

 _If I told you something unbelievable, would you believe me?_

Misty can only stare at the book in her hand. How close were she and May to have her know about something like this? A secret diary in the back of her own closet. Suddenly, she feels like a stranger in her own home. What other hidden things were scattered around her bedroom that she didn't remember?

"No," Misty finally replies. "I didn't."

May nods and gives her a sad smile when she says, "You should read it. There's something in here, something really important that you should know."

It is in the early hours of the morning when Misty finishes reading the final piece to the puzzle she never new existed, and somewhere amongst the choruses of "I'm sorry" as she cries in May's arms that Brock finds them and reveals everything he'd ever kept from her about Ash Ketchum.

* * *

"I loved him, didn't I?" she asks the following night.

The sudden question and strangely sharp tone of her voice throws Gary off.

She knew. He didn't know how, but Misty knew. She was giving him a chance to make up for the white lies and deception, for the things he'd kept from her. It hurts to finally admit it and Mew, saying it out loud nearly kills him, but he knows he's had his time and that it's more than he ever deserved.

"Yeah," he answers, his throat feeling dry, "you did."

Misty finally understands.


	8. In Which They Are Players No More

**Thank you to everyone who has ever read or reviewed this story. I present to you, the final chapter of Endgame.**

* * *

 **Endgame**

 _Chapter Eight - In Which They Are Players No More_

Gary wonders, not for the first time, what the world would look like through rose-coloured glasses.

Brock refuses to say anything, but when May leaves and Misty cries in the older male's arms for the third night in a row, it hits him-

 _May told her_.

Or maybe she didn't, but how it happened does not matter for it does not change anything.

This Misty Waterflower, the one who listened and spent so many nights watching the stars with him was now one with the girl who gave her heart away at the tender age of twelve. This Misty isn't in love with Ash Ketchum, not yet. But she would be. She knew she had been and that she should be. There was only one direction left to go, a single road open to take at this point.

She was no longer his Misty.

And maybe she never was, but that doesn't stop the voice in his head that screams _he took her away from you_.

Gary is tired of being the runner up.

He knows he'll never be anything more, but this time he came so, so close.

Ash took his dream _(becoming a Pokemon Master was his dream first)_.

Ash took the glory _(because how could he ever even begin to compare to The Chosen One?)_.

It wouldn't be long before Ash took the heart of the girl he's fallen in love with _(she had never been his, but Ash left her behind and it just isn't fair)_.

He'd never really lost her in the first place, but Gary can't help but feel that Misty Waterflower should not have been available to Ash Ketchum the second time around. Then again, he supposes she wasn't available to him, either. It was difficult to tell. He knows Misty has always belonged to Ash, but Ash left and Misty forgot and damn it, they can't blame him for feeling this way.

He wants to admit it isn't Ash's fault, but he isn't quite ready to give up the last shred of pride he has left to the boy who takes everything else.

He knows that Brock might as well be her brother, knows just how tight their bond is, and that he has no right to watch as she sheds tears for a girl that isn't her anymore. Even though it's _his_ house and that's _his_ couch he feels like he shouldn't stay. He hates himself for that too, and yet he cannot bring himself to leave. It feels like he's intruding on a moment reserved for only one other person.

It only serves as another reminder that it should be Ash here instead of him.

* * *

At first, she is confused. She's glad that Ash isn't here because if he was she has no idea what she would do. The pieces are all in place, there's nothing left for her to learn, but she simply cannot decide what to do with the information.

She was in love with Ash Ketchum.

At the very least, she is _supposed_ to be in love with Ash Ketchum.

It explains so much. The secrecy of everyone around them, why Gary always seemed uncomfortable, how easily she was able to fall into routine with Ash as if nothing had ever changed. But what now? What was she supposed to do now that she knew? The situation remains the same. The only difference is that she doesn't love him anymore and that he visits every month for one week.

Does she love him? It is all too confusing.

Misty certainly does not feel like it is love, but she also feels compelled to love him. She feels guilty because she no longer feels those emotions, but Ash never knew in the first place so why should she? Maybe on some level, she still did. It was so easy to feel comfortable around him. Now that she reflects on it, everything came so naturally when she was with Ash.

Maybe that's because on some level, those feelings were still there. She just didn't know it. She feels robbed. That is hard too, though, because can you really steal something that doesn't exist?

She decides that even if it doesn't anymore, it did once and that is good enough for her.

It is because of this revelation that she goes to Gary for help, because she really does love Brock but given what she's read and heard about, his experience in romance isn't the best. He understands her and he understands Ash, but he's too much of a brother to the both of them. He will also understand why she cannot go to him.

* * *

"You want me to help you fall in love with Ash," Gary repeats, struggling not to choke on the words.

Misty thinks it's because it was so out of the blue, and so doesn't question it. She takes the flash of anguish in his eyes as guilt for keeping it from her for so long. She nods her head vigorously, explaining that she thinks that on some level, the feelings were still locked somewhere in the back of her mind. Even if they are not, she still needs to know.

Gary feels the last remnants of his heart shatter around the same time the words come out of her mouth.

* * *

It wasn't fair of her to ask, but then it wasn't fair of him to hold expectations for the impossible.

He vows not to lie to her anymore.

"I don't think that I can help you with that, Misty," Gary tells her honestly, and can't bring himself to care when his voice trembles.

Misty's face falls and he feels the guilt come rushing back, because he also made a promise with himself to do everything he could to help her after lying for so long. But he stands his ground and remains strong, knowing that it would only be worse if he said that he could do this. That would also be a lie.

He chooses his next words carefully.

"If you really do love him and if this was meant to be then you won't need me," Gary continues. He is struggling to keep his voice from shaking but he knows he needs to get this out. He's telling her without telling her, and he accepts this is as close as he's ever going to get. If he doesn't say it now he never will. "If you can fall in love with him on your own, then there won't be a reason to keep thinking about what could be. My part in this will be finished."

It takes her several minutes and many repetitions of his words, but she thinks she gets it. She thinks that maybe she's always known. She was just too caught up in two world's, and in a boy who lived through the one she wants so badly to remember to acknowledge what he is hinting at.

"We'll have nothing left to question, Misty. We can all move on, start moving forward. It'll be over. There won't be anything left to hold us back."

 _I'll be able to let you go._

When she goes to speak he holds up one hand, so instead, Misty gives him one of those sad smiles that seem to have become tradition between them. She leaves with a whispered 'thank you' and a light kiss on his cheek, and he knows she understands because she _always_ understands. The words he can't tell her are clear, and even if he's falling apart inside Gary feels the weight lift.

He decides that this is good enough. It has to be.

She makes the mistake of looking back, but it changes nothing.

* * *

Gary realises that it isn't just the stars Ash is watching. It is the way the ocean glistens under the moonlight, the way those burning balls of fire sparkle and gleam and join the vast sea oh-so-perfectly on the horizon. An endless expanse across the land that nothing can come between. There is no room for him, no way he could possibly tear the waves from where they reach the sky.

It's almost laughable how he cannot escape reminders from even the universe itself. For Misty has always been the sea and Ash has always been her stars, and no matter where you are in the world the two will eventually meet.

 _Because he's always been watching her and she's always been watching him and he will always, always be watching the stars._

He lets out a bitter laugh and twirls the glass of bourbon his hands. "Yet again, Gary Oak steps aside to let Ash Ketchum claim what he doesn't deserve."

"Just leave it, Gary," Brock warns him. "It's too late and it will only hurt the people you care about."

Brock is only looking out for him. He knows this, and he gets that the only way to get through to him at this point is to be harsh, but somewhere between the lines of alcohol and a broken heart he stops caring. He'll regret it in the morning. But for tonight, just one night, it's okay.

"And I don't matter," Gary sneers, resentment practically dripping from his tongue.

Brock sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Of course you matter, Gary, but this isn't just about that. You-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know," Gary mutters in interruption. "This is about _them_. Misty has always loved _Ash_. I don't have the right to interfere. I _know_."

He downs the rest of his drink. It burns as it goes down, but it's nothing compared to when the words leave his mouth. He knows the sour taste in his mouth isn't from the alcohol and he can't help but go back to that first time she insulted him. Funny how things in life tend to come around in full circles.

"You'll only make it harder for her," Brock reminds him, a gentleness in his tone.

How many times does he have to say it? _He knows_. It was wrong to keep the truth from her, even if it would have caused her confusion. They should have said something from the start. They should have called Ash as soon as it happened. But they didn't, so now instead of a confused amnesiac they're stuck with too much regret than is healthy for two people.

"Everything is way it should be. It's back to how it was," Brock goes on, leaving out what both of them already know. Because really, nothing is as it should be. Things aren't, and they never will be, back to the way they were. "They have a chance to be happy. We all do."

"If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention," Gary bites back, and nothing more is said between them.

* * *

Sometimes Ash wonders whether she would be better off with Gary.

In another time, another place, he wonders if they would have worked. Gary was there when he was not. Gary is there _right now_ even though he is not. Gary chooses to stay with the girl he repeatedly leaves to quell the call of nature that never stays silent for long.

He could have let her go. He could have let her be happy.

She'd lost her memory. She hadn't remembered him, she wouldn't have had to deal with the ache of him not being able to come back every single day. It would have hurt him, sure, but the guilt would not longer eat him alive. He had the chance to give her a life without him. Gary would have taken care of her and they would have been happy and she'd never have to wonder when she'd see him again because _Gary_ would never leave.

Except he couldn't, because she's Misty Waterflower, and to him there can be no Ash Ketchum without Misty Waterflower. It isn't right and it makes no sense. He'd been in countless situations in which his life had been on line, faced pokemon of legendary proportions that some people had only heard of in tales filled with the stuff of nightmares, but _nothing_ scared him more than the thought of losing her.

Ash knows, doesn't even have to question that he would do it over again if it meant getting the chance to see her.

Ash is not a selfish person. When it comes to her, however, everything that makes him Ash Ketchum might as well be non-existent. Even if he couldn't gather the courage to pay her one visit in six years, he couldn't stand the thought of a Misty who never knew him. A Misty who didn't push him so hard and didn't cry tears for him and didn't stay beside him for the first, most important part of his journey.

Another part of him still hates that she doesn't have those memories anymore. But he's learned to accept reality for what it is because all of those events still happened, and what matters is that she was still there through all of it even if she can't remember.

It stings, but he learns to be okay with being the only one who does.

And maybe he didn't love her before, but that's okay, too. Everything is different now. He's learned to open his eyes to more than just the next adventure, and he realised a long time ago that he wants her to be there for every part of it. His journey started with Misty. It's only right that it ends with her, too.

Ash makes his mind up and boards the next ferry to Kanto.

* * *

When Misty wakes up at six in the morning to train her pokemon, the ones she's learned to love all over again, she doesn't expect to see Ash Ketchum standing in the foyer of the Cerulean Gym.

It's been three months since his last visit. One year since- Gary told her he loved her, but not really because neither of them had said the words -she moved permanently back home. Gary still stops by once in a while, but not very often. They don't talk about it when he does. It stays buried in the back of their minds behind a box of a million reasons why.

Brock calls three times a week and takes her out to lunch every fortnight.

Sometimes, when her mind is empty and it's too late to do anything but too early to train, she pulls out her old diaries and loses herself in the writings of a girl who she can't remember but still tries so hard to.

In the end, she never really does.

The little blue book is now kept in the top draw of her nightstand, right below her favourite picture of the original trio, and she reads that the most.

But she made up her mind the last time Ash left to make new memories with him. New ones with them all, even Gary Oak, but Ash is the one who matters the most. If she can't remember anything of their past then she wants to have twice as many special memories in their future. It's impossible to relive moments of a childhood lost to her own mind, but that doesn't mean they can't have new adventures right now.

And so when he reaches out his hand, a smile on his lips and love in his eyes, she takes it.

* * *

It isn't easy for Misty to accept the words of those whom she'd come to love and trust, but it is ever so simple to fall in love with him all over again.

* * *

 **Professor Oak Junior, logging in (6:31pm, 8/08/2017).**

 **Case 014982, Misty Waterflower**

 **Notes:**

 _Amnesia is a move that increases a pokemon's special defence by 2+ stages._

 _Previous case studies on humans have determined that pokemon attacks have a more versatile effect when directed at a human than they do when directed at a pokemon. Research has proven that when executed by a pokemon in its normal state, it will lock a person's memories away temporarily. The specific events briefly inaccessible are completely random and unable to be predicted, nor can the length of time that must pass before those memories are restored._

 _When used on humans via a pokemon in its mega evolved state, it removes them completely. Such a case occurred with eighteen year old Misty Waterflower, Fourth and Eighth Gym Leader of Cerulean City. The subject's personality and nature remain largely similar, however all memories associated with her life prior to the incident have been erased. Cognitive functioning continues the same. Daily tasks are involuntary and pokemon battles are reflexive. The brain carries on in a normal state, but any personal connection to people, pokemon, objects and places alike is severed. Retrograde amnesia in a more complicated, unusual form has been confirmed._

 _Use of Amnesia under the influence of a Z-Crystal has yet to be discovered._

 **Professor Oak Junior, logging out (6:47pm, 8/08/2017).**


End file.
